Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Today's Date:Feb.7,2008Oh God,it's still so unbelievable and unreal.I often think of you and look forward to my daily visit,then I am reminded YOU WON'T BE THERE!My heart breaks and then I smile,you know that smile I do when I am thinking of something I love....and then I remember the laughs we shared, the talks we had,the times you,Mary and I had and the breaking of my heart eases a little.Sometimes I wonder if there would have been something I could have done differently to save your life...maybe if I would have nagged at you about taking care of yourself better,but then again who was I to talk,then.You'd be real proud of me Doug,I have made some changes and my life is once again content,however my heart still aches,daily I am reminded that you are gone.I have resumed "my place" at your table,Mary and I talk but the house is so quiet that it feels empty.Do you remember when you and Shayena changed my oil?I still have to smile about that day...Shayena was going to do the job and you were going to supervise...hahaha...it was the other way around, you ended up all greasy and dirty and Shayena ended up coming out smelling like the rose she is. I also remember the times you told me how you would go out to Jim Smith and "clear a path" you,Mary and I laughed and laughed.Doug, in you I knew a great man...you were so kind,caring,handsome,witty,warm and I never felt as though I didn't belong in your home,you welcomed me as one of the family.You were wonderful with children,my children loved you, you also accepted them as one of the family.This Christmas and your birthday were so different, I have spent the last 2 Christmas's excluding this past one,at your table,your family and mine.Your birthday this year was so sad, Mary and I went to the cemetary and brought flowers,coke,cake,apples and of course your favorite morel mushrooms.Mary also played some tunes that you would have liked. As you know Mary is my best friend and I love her,at this time she is like a shell wondering around without you, I always envied what you 2 had together,you could see it in both your eyes how much you loved one another,you told me once or more, how you loved Mary's fiery side,she loves your heart and soul,she's not the same without you.You were happiest with your family and friends,working as an engineer at the "railroad",out in the bushes hiking and fishing,being with Flynt,he is sure skinny right now - lost his appetite now that you are gone,he walks around the house whining.Dave and I went to the house 2 weekends ago and Flynt was very happy to see him.Flynt goes on the carpet at times, I think you would laugh at that!Well,Doug I want to thank you for being my friend,allowing us(the kids and I)into your home and accepting us as part of your family. I am proud to know you and honored to have had you in my life you are one of the few of real men that I have had in my life, you were like the big brother I never had, I knew it was always safe in your presence.As hard as it is I remember all of the good times and talks we shared, the things you taught me, which weren't always good for someone like me,hahaha.I wanted to share this too, I am a Granma now, you knew that Serenity was pregnant, well I have a beautiful Grandson. he was born on November 10th,2007 at 8:30 am,his name is Payton Levine Ross Wood....he means so much to me,I believe your soul and his passed...it makes him that more special.The worst night of my life was watching your soul leave your body in the hospital,with Mary and one of the best days of my life was when Payton was born,you and him are connected in some odd way, God has blessed him with some of your special qualities,I AM SURE!I am unsure of how to end this.....I miss you Doug,you just had such a special aura about you,like a presence and when I sit still long enough I can sense your presence,it feels warm.I'll continue to be by Mary' side and love her, of course noone can love her like you do.....but I will help her remember you and the wonderful memories she has of you.....I can picture you guys on those bush roads stopping
